PAYING IT FORWARD

TIMES NEWS NETWORK

meghna.mukherjee@timesgroup.com

A recent study of behavioral psychology concluded that greed mostly overrides generosity.But in a fast-paced,material world,the need to believe in the spirit of giving,multiplies. Meghna Mukherjee re-evaluates what it means to be generous

A recent experiment conducted in the US showed that greed is a far more powerful emotion than generosity in today's world.Moral psychologist Kurt Gray,who led the study along with researchers at the Harvard University,observed through various experiments that people who were victims of greed had a strong tendency to repay a future recipient with the same greed.But when the same people benefited from an act of generosity,they didn't have the urge to pay it forward.

In an evers o - cy n i c a l world,its a wo r r i s o m e revelation.At a time when compassion and empathy are on a steadfast decline,and the disparity between the haves and the havenots is too in-your-face to ignore;the need to see generosity as a positive emotion,multiplies.Why and how did generosity lose its appeal over the years

Gray explains: Greed is more powerful than true generosity because negative emotions are more powerful than positive ones.We live in bodies and minds designed to be more influenced by negatives.Evolution designed us so that we took notice of negative things in our environment and sought to change them. Popular culture has made bad,wicked,nasty terms cool whereas goodness is frowned upon.Its a loser trait.Dr Sarala Bijapurkar,associate professor of sociology,KJ Somaiya College,Mumbai,says,In our material world,generosity is an alien word.Most people think generosity and money are always linked.Thats why so much cynicism has set in.

Digital descent

Our digital lives have played a big part in reducing the empathy and compassion we once had as individuals.Edna Rienzi,a generosity volunteer based in the US,says,Generosity focuses on the connection between individuals.Although we can connect with hundreds of people through social media,the opportunities to connect with one another face to face seem harder to find.

She cites an example: Earlier,at

my childrens school,parents would speak to one another while waiting for the kids to come out.We would offer kind words and support to each other,and these moments brightened my day.Now,almost everyone stays in their cars,hunched over their phones rather than with the people they see on a daily basis.

Pratyush Rajvanshi,a generosity volunteer in Delhi,says,In the ancient times,based on available texts,people understood that being generous was a vital factor in a human beings personal growth.They consciously practised these values,and they were a part of their inherent nature.These practices were passed on to us,and and we continued to live them;but,perhaps,we overlooked the wisdom behind the act.Henceforward most acts of generosity got diluted and a lot of cynicism set in.But now,we have started feeling empty inside.So we are again reviving the past wisdom and practices,especially generosity.

Generosity does not require grand gestures.Gray advises everyone to acknowledge even the little things others do to make a positive impact on their lives.The more grateful we are of others helping us,the more likely we are to pay it forward, he says.

Rienzi adds,Often,generosity is just a matter of being considerate.You can hold the door open for the person behind you.You can leave a large tip for a waitress who is working hard.When someone is speaking,you can give them your full attention.All these are generous acts that do not require time or energy.And,once you start taking these small steps,you will probably be tempted to make time for larger acts.

Social responsibility

That is not to say the people with means shouldnt pay it forward with money.The world over,some of the richest people are also the biggest philanthropists.Some of them have pledged half of their billion-dollar fortunes for the development of the other half.For instance,tech tycoon Azim Premji ranked Indias third richest person with a fortune of over $13 billion announced two months ago that he was donating $2.2 billion to his education-focussed trust Giving Pledge.

Even the corporate sector in India has made positive steps to build a future that entails empathy as one of the driving forces for a better future.The Revised Companies Bill,passed by the Lok Sabha recently,will make India the first country in the world to make corporate social responsibility (CSR) expenditure mandatory all successful companies will soon have to set aside and use 2 per cent of their profits towards the upliftment of society ecological and social.

The need of the hour,however,is for people to believe and engage in acts of generosity without it being a mandate.Since most things,like charity,begin at home,its still an adults responsibility to inculcate values like compassion and the spirit of giving early in a childs life.

American writer and philanthropist Gray Keller believes we live in an age where generosity should be a part of school curriculums.Since most of us are selfish by nature,we must be taught to give and share from an early age;like children learn to share their toys.

Times Life, Sunday May 5, 2013

TEENS ‘LONELY’ DESPITE SOCIAL NETWORKING

Violent outbursts and stroppiness mask underlying loneliness and despair among the young and connected, shows a Fortis Healthcare Survey

NEW DELHI: Teen angst is far more real than perceived, with one in five students aged 13 to 19 saying life is not worth living, found Fortis Healthcare’s Teen Suicide Survey of 2,364 school-goers. One in four said their families would be better off without them.

      “Our survey underscored the loneliness and isolation in the Facebook and smartphone era, where teens are connected yet isolated because of the superficiality of the status update,” said Dr Samir Parikh, director of the department of mental health and behavioural sciences at Fortis Healthcare. Social media, in fact, help mask isolation and depression. “They cannot replace empathy and attachment behaviour,” said Dr Parikh. I hate you all and I want to die.” 

Emotional outbursts and raging tantrums accompanied by much door-slamming are pretty much a part of the life of every teenager and, by extension, their friends and family. That’s perhaps why most of us shrug off these rants as melodramatic overreaction to anything and everything and complacently assume that when the hormonal spike peters out, so would the angst.

In most cases, the trauma does vapourise almost instantly and the everything is right with the world in a day or two. Friends and family, however, need to watch out darker signs of underlying hopelessness that could point to an emerging emotional breakdown leading to self-harm and, in some cases, suicide.

     One in three 13 to 19 year olds find life too hard to cope with and one in four think — albeit once in a while — that their families are better off without them, found Fortis Healthcare’s Teen Suicide Survey. For the survey, a representative sample of 2,364 school-going teens were questioned online and interviewed by the department of mental health and behavioural sciences, Fortis Healthcare, which also collated the data.

“The findings highlight the loneliness and social alienation of teenagers even in the era of social networking and instant connectivity,” says Dr Samir Parikh, director, department of department of mental health and behavioural sciences, Fortis Healthcare.

“While Facebook and other social media are an excellent for sharing, it has also led to emotions being reduced to a status update. “Like-dislike’, “I’m low-I’m in a party mood,’’ “friends-frenemy”… The easy labelling has led to the lowering of emotional bonding and empathy that comes with sharing time together, leading to physical isolation and despair even among young people who seem to have more friends than they can keep track of,” says Dr Parikh.

    So intense is the loneliness that one in three — 31% — teens feel that no one can help them with their problems and almost two in three — 62% — not having spoken to anyone about their thoughts and feelings, showed the Fortis Survey. Interestingly, among those who had vented, more than half (55%) turned to their friends for help.

Though dark and dreary moods rarely convert into self harm, there is no taking away from the fact that even with the wide under-reporting — largely because attempt to suicide is punishable with imprisonment under Section 309 of the Indian Penal Code — India has among the highest in the world, with to about 1.87 lakh people killing themselves in 2010. Recognising that attempt at selfharm is driven by despair and helplessness and not criminal intent, the Law Commission of India has recommended that attempt it be decriminalised.

      Most people who hurt themselves are likely to do it before the age of 30. The Registrar General of India’s data shows 3% of causes of death surveyed (2,684 of 95,335) in people 15 years or older were suicide, of which 40% of all suicides in men and 56% in women occurred at ages 15-29 years, reported Vikram Patel from The London School of Hygiene and Tropical Medicine in the Lancet.

      “Emotions are intensified in adolescents by a complex interplay between genetic, biological, psychiatric and psychosocial factors, which take a trigger to push a child over the edge,” says Parikh. These factors hold true across the world, reports another Lancet study on self harm and suicides in teens.

      “You have to watch out for the red flags — looking dejected for a couple of weeks, persistent irritability, social withdrawal etc — and engage with teenagers to ensure they do not get trapped into a vortex of despair,” says Dr Rajesh Sagar, additional professor, department of psychiatry, All India Institute of Medical Sciences, New Delhi.

Courtesy: Hindustan Times