Get passionate about life! Vinita Dawra Nangia

Sunday TOI, 18 Dec 2011

Why are some people bounding with energy, while others get exhausted just dealing with everyday life? Where did Dev Anand's indefatigable energy spring from?

 Say 'Dev Anand', and the first words that come to mind are "energetic", "evergreen", "forever young" -- epithets associated with the thespian through his life. When he passed away, headlines proclaimed that Bollywood's 'youngest' actor had died at 88!

Sometimes your own reputation can dictate the path of your life, and Dev Anand loved his evergreen, youthful, energetic image, working hard at living up to it. When he was diagnosed with hernia, he reveals in his autobiography Romancing with Life (Penguin), he  refused to get operated in India fearing his fans would think that the "'evergreen', 'forever young' man of unstinted energy, gifted by the Gods with eternal youth…..was but an ordinary mortal like them all..!"

Extraordinary mortal that he was, where did Dev Anand's seemingly limitless energy resources come from? What made the man tick and kept him going till the very end? Indeed, why is it that some people seem to have boundless energy, while others struggle to even get through daily life?

I would say the answer lies in one word – passion. And of course in what you do with that passion.  It is passion that spells the difference between existing and living life to the hilt, for passion allows one to plunge the depths and reach the heights of life. It gives an intensity and an edge to experiences that mere existence could never do. It stirs up creative juices and creates a buzz around you, thus attracting positivity and more action. This is what creates those extra reserves of energy that some people seem to possess.

Most of us lay claim to some passion, but creating the right resonance with it depends on how you choose to deal it. Obviously a passion enjoyed piecemeal and intermittently will not yield the same benefits as one that you allow to completely take over your life. Most of us do not allow ourselves to be swept away by our passion, allowing reason and an ingrained sense of balance and commitments to overwhelm passion.  And then comes that one man who allows himself to be subsumed, indeed totally consumed by his passion. He is the one who ends up leaving a mark …..his footprints in the sands of time. He is the genius, the inventor, the discoverer or the enduring artist…

 Dev Anand was one such man who lived his passion out completely. He gave in to the luxury of indulging his passion to the exclusion of all else. He lived to make films and said so openly, not seeing any reason to live beyond this indulgence. Family, friends, money – everything else seemed to take second place for him.  In his words, he always swam in a current that was both "energizing and intellectually stimulating…", "forever on a plateau of excitement and eternally riding the crest of an optimistic wave." In his autobiography, Dev Anand says, "I have been working ceaselessly for over sixty years with all my creative energies at my command, the excitement of creativity sprouting all the time inside me like so many seedlings, just the way they used to when I first launched myself…"

Surely this is the bottomless well that Dev Anand's eternal youth and boundless energy sprung from? With such excitement stirring you all the time, who needs external stimulants! Allegiance and dedication to a passion gives meaning, excitement and energy to life. Describing his passion bordering on obsession, Dev Anand says in his book, "…when I'm writing, time ceases to be. I forget all about thirst and hunger. The flow of words dictated by the onrush of thoughts is food and drink to me. My excitement is what sustains me."

If passion sustains and feeds energy, what are the factors that sap one of energy? Stress and depression do a good job of enervating one. Other energy zappers are lack of good sleep or food, too much work, grief, negative people, disorganized life, messy spaces, unfinished tasks, jealousy, resentment, anger…

A creative passion is always a good escape from the negative effects of all these enervators.  If one is in love with life and totally absorbed with one's passion, there is no time to regret the small stuff. Dev Anand never wasted time mourning a movie that didn't do well at the box office. His nephew Shekhar Kapur gives a rare glimpse into Dev's response to the box office disaster of  Ishq, Ishq, Ishq. "He was sad. Reflective. For all of five minutes. …..Ten minutes later ……his eyes were vibrant. His face excited. He was unable to sit down for his excitement." He had got an idea for his next film! Shekhar also talks of how money held no meaning for Dev except to be used for his films. Truly Dev's art was for art's sake, as his romance was for romance' sake!

"One of the significant traits of my character is that I am always in a hurry, and hate laziness of any sort," he wrote in his autobiography. "There is always a terrific pace bubbling inside me. I think fast, I move fast with my decisions. I talk fast and I walk fast."

That's energy for you! A constant flow that feeds upon itself to create yet more energy and positivity, lending beauty to all around!

Dev Anand signed off his autobiography and now, his life too, I'm sure, with the words…."Gaata rahe mera dil…My heart is singing, like it always has been --This is a beautiful world!"

http://blogs.timesofindia.indiatimes.com/O-zone/entry/get-passionate-about-life

लहरों से डर कर नौका पार नहीं होती Inspiring Poem by Harivansha Rai Bachchan

लहरों से डर कर नौका पार नहीं होती,
कोशिश करने वालों की हार नहीं होती।

नन्हीं चींटी जब दाना लेकर चलती है,
चढ़ती दीवारों पर, सौ बार फिसलती है।
मन का विश्वास रगों में साहस भरता है,
चढ़कर गिरना, गिरकर चढ़ना न अखरता है।
आख़िर उसकी मेहनत बेकार नहीं होती,
कोशिश करने वालों की हार नहीं होती।

डुबकियां सिंधु में गोताखोर लगाता है,
जा जा कर खाली हाथ लौटकर आता है।
मिलते नहीं सहज ही मोती गहरे पानी में,
बढ़ता दुगना उत्साह इसी हैरानी में।
मुट्ठी उसकी खाली हर बार नहीं होती,
कोशिश करने वालों की हार नहीं होती।

असफलता एक चुनौती है, स्वीकार करो,
क्या कमी रह गई, देखो और सुधार करो।
जब तक न सफल हो, नींद चैन को त्यागो तुम,
संघर्ष का मैदान छोड़ मत भागो तुम।
कुछ किये बिना ही जय जय कार नहीं होती,
कोशिश करने वालों की हार नहीं होती।

-हरिवंशराय बच्चन

Say Goodbye Without Grief: Talk by Osho

Tung-men Wu did not grieve when his son died. It is difficult not to grieve when somebody you loved so much has died. It is possible only if you have known something of the essential. It is possible only if you have tasted something of the deathless, if you have transcended the accidental. He did not grieve, he was not sad. He was not weeping or crying; he was not broken. He remained just the same as he was before.
The wife was disturbed. She said: No one in the world loved his son as much as you did, why do you not grieve now that he is dead. Ordinarily, this is our logic, that if you love a person too much you will grieve too much when he is gone. The logic is fallacious; the logic has a deep flaw in it. In fact, if you have loved a person really, when he is gone he is gone; you will not grieve much. If you have not loved the person deeply, then you will grieve very much.
Your father dies, or your mother dies. If you have loved him totally while he was alive, you will be able to say goodbye to him without any grief because you loved him. That experience of love was total and fulfilling; nothing is left undone; nothing is hanging over your head. Whatsoever was possible has happened; now you can accept it. What more was possible Even if he had been alive, what more would have been possible. The experience is complete.
Whenever an experience is complete, you are ready to say goodbye easily. But if you have not loved your father as you always wanted to, you have not been respectful towards him as you always wanted to, you will feel guilty. Now the father is gone; now there is no way to fulfill your desire now there is no way to show your respect, your love. Now there is no way, you will feel yourself hanging in the middle, in limbo. You will not be at ease; you cannot say goodbye. You will cry and weep and you will be broken, and you will say that you are broken because your father is dead, but the real thing is something else.
Once an experience is complete, you can get out of it very easily you can just slip out of it as the snake slips out of his old skin. If you love a woman and you have been constantly quarrelling with her, and it never became a deep satisfaction, and she dies... now she will haunt you, her ghost will haunt you for your whole life. While you love a person, if you love him totally there is going to be no misery. Of course, one feels a little sad but it is not grief; one misses a little but one is capable of remaining centered, one is not distracted.
It is the unlived experiences that go on piling up and they become heavy burdens. The problem is that now there is no way. You cannot complete them because the person has disappeared. Whenever an experience is complete, it is a ripe fruit it drops of its own accord. It leaves no scar behind, there is no wound. A Sudden Clash of Thunder.

Courtesy:  Osho International Foundation, www.osho.com  

Man, some people are just RUDE!! (ACY by Sonal Kalra)

HT City, Delhi

27 Nov. 2011

 

Ask a rude question, and you are bound to get a rude reply. Then, don't cry and say `why this Kolaveri Di?'

 

I sometimes bump into this woman on my way back from work. Whenever she sees me, she asks me one, and only one question. "You look tired, are you unwell?" For a long time I kept telling myself `aww, how sweet. She is so concerned for me.' And even though I didn't really feel tired or unwell, I would politely reply, `yeah, it's been an awfully tiring day at work'.

But, to be honest, I don't quite enjoy being told everyday that I don't seem okay, and it is now bugging the hell out of me.

Yesterday, she said, `You are getting dark circles under your eyes. Have you been partying too much or are you sick?' I could have gone and fretted in front of the mirror for an hour, but this time I took my face closer to hers and asked, `are they as dark as yours or even worse?' The last I know, she had booked a doctor's appointment for a check-up.

 

See, I know you are still wondering what's the big deal in what she said, and, in all probability think my reply was rude. Well, yes it was, but so was her question. We, in India, are taught a skewed and rather limited definition of the term `rude', while we are growing up.

We are told that if a person raises his voice or speaks in a harsh, unpleasant way, it is rude.

So we tend to focus only on the packaging of the words and how they are being delivered, more than what is being said! We don't realise that it is totally unacceptable even when the `packaging' is super sweet but the content smacks of nothing but ill-manners.

 

A colleague of mine was visiting his hometown recently when a woman relative asked him what he does, for a living.

 

`I work in a newspaper,' he replied. "Achha? Kitna daal lete ho?" she asked. Wondering whether she mistook him for the newspaper vendor (in his place, I would've wondered if she was fond of making obscene remarks!), he stood quiet. And then she elaborated. `Har mahiney kitna daal lete ho bank mein?' (how much goes in your bank every month?). Ahh, so she was asking him about his salary.

No big deal, you may again say.

Damn rude, I think.

 

Sadly, we see nothing wrong in crossing the boundary and asking fairly personal questions of people, sometimes even strangers. Well, I think it's unfair to put up with them in the name of politeness. Here are some of the rude questions we Indians specialise in asking, as if it's the compulsory thesis for a Phd in ill-manners. Since I don't wish to be seen as advocating rudeness a la `an eye for an eye', I suggest two possible ways of coping up with the question -the polite answer (TPA), and the I-am-taking-you-on answer (TYOA). Choose yours, at your own risk.

 

1 What's your salary?: TPA: (sheepish smile) "God's been kind. Bas kaam chal jaata hai. It's just the start of the career, but it will get better in a few years...etc etc" (ugh)

 

TYOA: I'm happy you asked.

Do you want a loan? I charge really high interest but can afford to lend big amounts at a short notice. I didn't know you were having trouble with finances. How much do you need? (disclaimer: don't try with the tribe of chachis, maamis, mausis etc or your parents would kick you out)

2 When are you having kids?

 

(or in desi style: `good news' kab de rahe ho?) TPA: Smile. `When the right time comes. These things are in God's hands.' (go, cry in a corner)

 

TYOA: (Looking them in the eye): We are waiting to see how your kids turn out before we decide. And feeling very anxious at the way it's going so far.

 

3 To the parents/siblings of a girl who got married recently `She's happy, no? (khush toh hai nah?)

 

TPA: Yeah, she calls me every evening and for two-and-a-half hours, tells me how happy she is.

 

TYOA: No, yaar. She tried to poison her mother-in-law yesterday but the neighbour's stupid cat drank the milk. I've asked her to wait before the next attempt.

 

4 Have you noticed that you're getting fat? How much do you weigh?

TPA: (look down embarrassingly): Yeah, don't ask. I'll start working out from this New Year.

 

TYOA: Shit, really? It totally skipped me because the mirror at home is broken. 450 kgs isn't much. And the paunch is the latest style trend in the west. You should try it, though it's not easy.

 

5 Why exactly did you break-up?

 

TPA: We were just not compatible. It was not meant to be.

 

TYOA: (very seriously): She wanted to try her luck in Hollywood. And I was always in favour of our own cinema. You've got to be patriotic. No? By the way, the idiot-store called. They are running out of you. You better rush.

 

6 To a heavily pregnant woman: `Oh God, you look huge. Are you having twins?'

 

TPA: (sheepish): No, just one, a little healthy, I guess.

 

TYOA: No. Are you?

 

Okay, fine. My answers above are rude and perhaps you should not try them at all. But I hope you do get the point. Do not venture so much into peoples' personal lives that you leave them awkward and embarrassed when it is you who is at fault here. If they feel like sharing personal stuff with you, they would do so on their own. Let's try and not be experts in ill manners. This is one Phd we should not mind dropping out of, mid-way. What say?

 

 

http://epaper.hindustantimes.com/PUBLICATIONS/HT/HD/2011/11/27/ArticleHtmls/A-CALMER-YOU-Man-some-people-are-just-27112011110003.shtml?Mode=1

शट योर माउथ-नो मैडम

सूर्यकुमार पांडेय

आज के टाइम के नन्हे-मुन्ने बच्चों का एक पब्लिक स्कूल। मैडम क्लास लेते हुए बोलीं, बच्चो, तुम सब आज मुझे नर्सरी राइम्स सुनाओगे। देन उन्होंने अपनी क्लास के सबसे शरारती बच्चे को खड़ा किया, चलो, कपिल! तुम ट्विंकल-ट्विंकल लिटिल स्टार वाली पोएम सुनाओ। इस पर उस शरारती बच्चे ने झूमते हुए सुनाया : ट्विंकल-ट्विंकल जनलोकपाल/बेदी, भूषण, केजरीवाल/ह्वाट इज करप्श्न, ह्वाट यू आर? अप एबब यूपीए सरकार/बी साइलेंट ऐंड डोंट यू क्राई/ ओवरऑल द पार्लियामेंट इज हाई।

मैडम बोली, वेरी गुड। इसके बाद मैडम ने एक छोटी-सी बच्ची मनीखोजी को डिंगडांग बेल सुनाने को कहा। उस बच्ची ने अत्यंत करुणापूर्ण स्टाइल में सुनाई, डिंगडांग बेल/पूसी इन द जेल/टूजी सेल/गेटिंग बेल/ डिंगडांग बेल/ नाउ ऑल इज वेल।

तभी क्लास के पीछे की बेंच से एक बच्चा खड़े होकर बोला, मैम, मुझे वह बाबा ब्लैक शिप वाली पोएम लर्न है। सुनाऊं! मैडम बोली, सुनाओ। तब उस बच्चे ने बोलना शुरू किया : बाबा श्रीश्री अन्ना कूल/ यस मिस, यस मिस ऑल थ्री गुल/ वन गॉन रालेगान/वन हरिद्वार/ अनोदर बेंगलुरु/ह्वाट इज भ्रष्टाचार?

इस पर क्लास के सारे बच्चे हंसने लग गए। तब मैडम ने एक गर्ल स्टूडेंट को खड़ा किया और डांटते हुए कहा, तुम कल फिर एबसेंट थी। तब उस छोटी-सी बच्ची ने पोएम के फॉर्म में अपने एबसेंट होने का रीजन इस तरह सुनाया : पूसी कैट-पूसी कैट ह्वेयर हैव यू बीन? आइ हैव बीन टू दिल्ली टू लुक ऐट द क्वीन/ पूसी कैट-पूसी कैट ह्वाट सॉ यू देअर/ आई सॉ अ लिटिल माउस सिटिंग ऑन द चेयर।

इसके तुरंत बाद क्लास की एक और चुलबुली बच्ची ने हंप्टी-डंप्टी वाली राइम सुनाई : अग्निवेश-अरविंद सेट ऑन ए वॉल/ अग्निवेश अरविंद हैड ए ग्रेट फॅल/ऑल द कोर कमेटी/ ऑल द अन्ना मैन/ कुड नॉट पुट अग्निवेश अरविंद टुगेदर अगेन। तब टीचर मैडम ने एक और बच्चे को जैक ऐंड जिल वाली नर्सरी राइम सुनाने को बोला। बच्चे ने साभिनय इसका नया वर्जन सुनाया : कलमाडी राजा वेंट इन तिहाड़/ आइज फुल आफ वॉटर/ राजा फेल डाउन ऐंड ब्रोक हिज क्राउन/ ऐंड कलमाडी केम ट्रंबलिंग आफ्टर।

लास्ट में क्लास के महा शरारती बच्चे ने अपनी टीचर मैडम को जॉनी-जॉनी यस पापा का लेटेस्ट वर्जन सुनाया। सुनकर पूरी क्लास तालियां बजाने लग गया ः दिग्गी-दिग्गी/यस मैडम/ स्पीकिंग समथिंग/ यस मैडम/ इज इट आरएसएस/ यस मैडम/ टेलिंग अ लाई/ यस मैडम/शट योर माउथ/ नो मैडम।

http://www.amarujala.com/Vichaar/Aakhiri-Kona/Shut-Your-Mouth-No-madam-6-17-2092.html 

Must you be aggressive to be successful?

Vinita Dawra Nangia,

Sunday TOI, 04 December  2011

At a time when self-marketing has assumed annoying proportions, modesty blazes an attractive trail!

Youth, business acumen and very importantly, humility and a feet-on-the-ground attitude helped Cyrus Mistry make it to the coveted appointment as successor to Ratan Tata! Amongst the many things said about the man right after the announcement, what sent eyebrows rocketing were paeans to his low-key, modest profile! "Soft-spoken, candid and down-to-earth" is what he was described as.

In an era of dog-eats-dog, where we see the loudest voices compete for attention and the soft ones drown unsung, unseen, Cyrus's appointment comes as something of a pleasant shock! How could a man who shunned arclights and the party circuit, preferring to work nose-to-ground, win over several more visible contenders? Does this portend a changing trend then? Can the quieter, but still capable man/woman be more hopeful of getting noticed now?

 When everyone is busy selling themselves aggressively, the voice that reaches out loudest from amongst the crowd is the softest one! As the self-aggrandizing cacophony creates chaos, you strain to hear the soft and steady voice of reason and capability. 

Not everyone can scream or shout. There are those who cannot and others who see no reason to do so when they can be equally effective otherwise. Not long back, with the advent of the dotcom era, there seemed no hope for the quieter, even though capable ones.  Until you made yourself heard, you didn't stand a chance of succeeding. However lately one hears success stories of even those who maintain a low profile, so long as they are exceptional at work.

The country's highest profile job is held by a man whose instinct is to maintain a low profile -- Prime Minister Manmohan Singh. Rahul Gandhi, despite the limelight his family status catapults him to, likes to keep as much as he can to himself. So does Priyanka Gandhi. Infosys legends Narayana Murthy, Chairman Emeritus and S.D.Shibulal, the present CEO, are known for their love of sticking to the shadows.

Some time ago when a selection committee for Jamaican Rhodes Scholar made their final choice of candidate, to the surprise of others, they declared that it was the winner's "modesty" that won over the judges!

When Amitabh Bachchan asked a school teacher on KBC why he spoke so softly in class that students complained they couldn't hear him, pat came the reply, "That's a strategy, sir! They focus sharper when they strain to hear me!"

When all are pushing to get to something, your eye is perforce drawn to the one person who stands aloof, unconcerned. So, whether natural manner or strategy, maybe at a time when self-marketing has assumed annoying proportions, modesty blazes an attractive trail! 

However HR experts warn that one should not look at this as a shifting trend really. They talk of many companies that are still on the lookout for candidates with some amount of aggression, especially the smaller operations which conclude that aggressive personalities may also be the ones who help them move ahead faster. Says Pritul Sanghavi, senior VP, Anakin Management Consultants, "Some companies require people who are street smart and aggressive. Just like in the movie, Social Network, they actually check how much pressure candidates can take! It really depends on the job requirement and the interviewer."

And so Tata's choice was right for them, but may not be so for another. Says consultant and entrepreneur Pritha Dutt, "A mature and steady company like Tata that never sees the reason to shout (remember their line 'We also make steel'?) made the right choice with a low profile, capable man like Cyrus Mistry. But it really depends on the culture of the organisation. The big difference today is that companies are more careful in matching candidate profiles with their own culture."

Jyotirmoy Bose ,CEO White Spaces Consulting, says that flash-in-the-pan companies today may still be looking for rashness  but for sustainable and enduring players, certainly business tycoons, humility is a desired quality. He quotes Level 5 leadership -- fierce result combined with humility, leaders who are humble but driven to do their best for the company. He adds, "You can't win the game alone; you need friends and that's what succeeds!"

And so today companies look for assertive rather than aggressive personalities, more collaborative people who resolve conflicts, not create them! To be politically correct, they also look for individuals who show a softer side to their personalities, as in caring for and protecting the weak and of course for integrity of character.

 Pritha Dutt adds that even during campus recruitments, companies now are looking more for depth and for facilitating individuals who certainly make their own points, but also listen to others. She advises that one should help carry forth the discussion by building on points others make as well, rather than coming across as the sole owner of all ideas! All companies, says Pritha, will be looking for originality and creativity, but very importantly, they will also be looking for people who get along with each other and fit in with the spirit of the organization!

And so the lesson is to cultivate skills and focus on work, all the time ensuring one remains grounded. And to develop a personality that is confident, yet not overpowering; assertive, but not aggressive; pleasing and yet not ingratiating!

http://blogs.timesofindia.indiatimes.com/O-zone/entry/must-you-be-aggressive-to-be-successful