Saturday, February 2, 2008

Cultivate aptitude for entrepreneurship from beginning: Kalam

BANGALORE: Former President A P J Abdul Kalam on Saturday said that the students should be encouraged to cultivate an aptitude for entrepreneurship right from the beginning of schooling and at the University level.

"We must teach our students to take calculated risks for the sake of larger gain, but within the ethos of good business", Kalam said in his address to the 43rd annual convocation of Bangalore University.

"They should also cultivate a disposition to do things right. This capacity will enable them to take up challenging tasks later".

He said a good educational system is the need of the hour to ensure that the students grow up to contribute towards the economic growth of a nation. Research, technology and performance in agriculture, manufacture and services sectors lead to economic growth and prosperity of the nation, he added.

"Can we sow the seeds of capacity building among the students? There will be continuous innovation during the learning process. To realise this, special capacities are required to be built in education system for nurturing the students".

The capacities which are required to be built are research and enquiry, creativity and innovation, use of high technology, entrepreneurial and moral leadership, he said.

According to him, as India had entered a trillion dollar economy and was continuing to be in the ascending economic trajectory, there were also concerns about rising unemployment and illiteracy.

"It is not unemployment, a major problem; it is the question of unemployability a bigger crisis".
 

Friday, January 25, 2008

Desires - By Swami Sivananda

"Sweep out the sphere of your mind:
Make a place for Loved One to sit.
Dust out all thoughts of this world
So that His throne may be fit.
A million desires engulf you,
A million ambitions and aims:
How can you make room for His Presence
Unless they vacate His domain?"

What Is Desire?

Desire is a mode of the emotive mind. It has got a power of externalising the mind. Desire is the fuel; thought is the fire. The thought-fire is kept up by the desire-fuel. If you withdraw the supply of fuel, the fire will be withdrawn into its womb. If you stop thinking by cutting off desires, the mind will be withdrawn into Brahman.

It is only when the mind, being divested of all its desires, is indifferent to pleasures and pains and is not attracted by any object that it will be rendered pure, free from the grip of the great delusion like a bird freed from its cage and roaming freely in the Akasa.

Desire, thought and Ahankara form one vicious circle. If you can destroy any one of them, the other two will die by themselves. These are the three pillars or corner-stones of the edifice of mind. They are the three links of the mind-chain. Destroy any one of the links; the whole chain will be broken.

Why Do Desires Arise?

Why do desires arise in the mind? On account of Ananda-Abhava (absence of Ananda or spiritual bliss). The cause for desire is the existence of objects outside. Curiosity becomes a desire in the mind. Interest and feeling precede a desire. Hope and expectation fatten the desire.

Vikshepa-the Very Nature Of Mind

Just as heat is inseparable from fire, Vikshepa or the tossing of the mind is inseparable from the mind. It troubles the Sadhakas a lot. It destroys all of a sudden the determinations of strong-willed persons also. The mind ceases to exist if it is destitute of this oscillation. This fluctuating mind alone creates the universe. Even Mala (impurity) can be removed easily. It demands strenuous efforts for a protracted time on the part of the Sadhaka to remove this Vikshepa. The undaunted Uddalaka suffered a lot from this distracting Vikshepa when he tried to enter into Nirvikalpa state. Raja Bhartrihari underwent the same difficulty when he tried to overcome this troublesome fluctuating Sakti of the mind. Vikshepa is Maya. Vikshepa is impure Vasana (Asuddha Vasana). You will have to destroy this Vikshepasakti by constant Upasana or Yoga or ceaseless Atmic enquiry (Brahmavichara). Then, peace (Santi) will come by itself.

Types Of Desire

Desire in the mind is the real impurity. Sexual desire, vulgar attraction for the opposite sex, is the greatest impurity. This causes the real bondage. You can even give up wife, children and wealth. But, it is extremely difficult to give up ambition, name and fame. Ambition is a serious obstacle in the path of Yoga. This is the most powerful weapon of Maya with which she slaughters worldly-minded persons. Even if there is a tinge of desire for name and fame, Truth will not manifest. Truth will shine by Itself. It does not need any pompous advertisement. It is the very Self of all beings and objects.

Anirbuddha Or Subtle, Hidden Desires

Even after you have renounced all the desires, there may remain in the mind some subtle, hidden desires (Sukshma, Anirbuddha) that cannot be comprehended. These are very dangerous ones. Therefore, you will have to be very, very careful. The lurking under-currents of desires will throw you down at any moment if you are not very vigilant and cautious, will destroy your Vairagya (dispassion) and will bring about your downfall eventually. I have witnessed many Yogabhrashtas who had fallen from Yoga owing to the overpowering influence of these subtle, hidden desires. So long as you have these subtle, hidden, Anirbuddha (unnoticeable) desires in your mind, you can never dream of entering into the Nirvikalpa state without any modification of the mind. You can never develop real Paravairagya (supreme non-attachment and dispassion) also.

Craving Or Trishna

You may become old, your hairs may turn grey, but your mind is ever young. The capacity may vanish, but the craving remains even when you have reached advanced senility. Cravings (Trishna) are the real seeds of birth. These craving-seeds give rise to Sankalpa and action. The wheel of Samsara is kept revolving by these cravings. Nip them in the bud. Then only will you be safe. You will get Moksha. Brahma-Bhavana, Brahma-Chintana, meditation on OM and devotion will root out these craving-seeds which are laid deep. You will have to dig them out properly in various corners and burn them beyond resurrection. Then only will your efforts bear the fruit of Nirvikalpa Samadhi.

"Love and kill," "Marry and observe Brahmacharya," "Enjoyment without desire," "Action without fruits" are paradoxical terms. A man with gross Vyavaharic Buddhi can hardly understand these terms. A subtle, pure intellect is needed. Suppose you were a terrible smoker for the last fifteen years. Then you gave up smoking for five years. The craving for smoking also died. Suppose one of your friends offers you a cigar in the sixth year. You have no craving for smoking now. If you take it now and enjoy it just to please your friend, it will be called a Suddha Bhoga only. You have enjoyed it without a craving or a desire. Isvara enjoys Suddha Bhoga.

Satisfaction Of Desire Yields Illusory Happiness Only

Desire excites the mind and senses. When desire is gratified by enjoyment of the objects of desire, satisfaction (Tripti) comes in temporarily. Rapture is delight in the attainment of the desired object. Bliss is the enjoyment of the taste of what is attained. Where rapture is there is bliss; but where bliss is there is not, quite of necessity, rapture. Rapture is like a weary traveller who hears or sees water or a shady wood. Bliss is the enjoying of the water or entering the forest shade.

When there is desire, then alone is there pleasure. The cause for pleasure is desire. When there is no desire, there cannot be any pleasure. When there is no hunger, delicious food can give you no pleasure. When there is no thirst, any refreshing beverage will have no effect. So, hunger is the best sauce. The first cup of hot milk gives pleasure. The second cup induces disgust. After the enjoyment is over, Tripti comes. Hence, disgust arises when the second cup is taken. There is no real pleasure in milk. The happiness is in Atman only. It is reflected in the object (milk) owing to ignorance, owing to Bhranti (illusion). It is Bhranti-Sukha. If there were real happiness in milk, it should induce pleasure always and in every person. It is not the case.

A desire arises in the mind. There is a Vritti now. This Vritti agitates your mind till you get satisfaction through enjoyment of the desired object. There is Santi or peace or happiness after the enjoyment is over. Another desire arises in the mind. Now, in the interval between the gratification of one desire and the manifestation of another, there is pure bliss, because there is no mind then. It is at rest. You are in union with Brahman. That state of pure bliss between two desires is Brahman. If you can prolong that period of bliss through Sadhana by keeping up the idea of Brahman and by not allowing another Vritti or desire to crop up, you will be in Samadhi. The period between one Vritti and another Vritti is the real Sandhi (juncture).

Desires Are Insatiable

Mind plays havoc through desires. As soon as a desire arises, you think you will get all happiness by its realisation. You exert yourself to achieve the desired object. As soon as you get it, a little satisfaction (false Tushti or gratification) is experienced for a short time. Again, mind becomes restless. It wants new sensations. Disgust and dissatisfaction come in. Again, it wants some new objects for its enjoyment. That is the reason why this world is termed as mere Kalpana (imagination) by Vedantins.

Desires are innumerable, insatiable and unconquerable. Enjoyment cannot bring in satisfaction. It is a mistake to think so. Enjoyment fans the desire. It is like pouring ghee in fire. Enjoyment strengthens, increases and aggravates a desire. See the case of Raja Yayati of yore. He borrowed the youthful state from his son to have sexual enjoyment for thousands of years. At last, he cries out in his old age with bitterness, "Alas! What a fool I am! Still my sexual desires are waxing. There is no end of desires. I have wasted my life. O God! Have mercy on me. Lift me up from this mire of Samsara." This comes in Mahabharata. In the Gita, Chapter III-39, you will find "Kama-rupena Kaunteya Dushpurena-analena cha-desire which is insatiable as a flame."

Freedom From Desires Necessary For Jnana

You can attain Jnana only if you are free from sensuous desires and immortal mental states. Aloofness of body from sensuous objects and aloofness of mind from immoral states of mind are needed for the attainment of Jnana. Then only will Divine Light descend. Just as a bungalow is cleaned of cobwebs and all kinds of dirts and the garden of all its weeds for the reception of the Viceroy, the mental palace should be cleansed of all vices, desires and immoral states for the reception of the Holy Brahman, the Viceroy of viceroys.

When a desire arises in the mind, a worldling welcomes it and tries to fulfil it; but, an aspirant renounces it immediately through Viveka. Wise people consider even a spark of desire as a very great evil. Therefore, they will not entertain any kind of desire. They will be ever delightful in Atman only.

How To Control Desires

In this ocean of Samsara, desires are the crocodiles. Kill them as soon as they arise on the surface of the mind. Do not yield to them. Do not become despondent under your trials. Make friendship with the pure, Sattvic mind and destroy the impure mind with the help of the pure mind. Make your mind rest in the blissful Atman. Desires should be crushed the very moment they arise in the mind, by discrimination and dauntless, indefatigable efforts.

Whenever a desire arises in the mind, consult always your Viveka (power of discrimination). Viveka will at once tell you that the desire is attended with pain, that it is only a vain temptation set up by the mind and that Vairagya and Tyaga alone can bring about satisfaction and peace of mind. It will advise you to renounce the desire immediately and take to the study of Upanishads, repetition of OM and to have Samadhi-Nishtha in a solitary place on the bank of the sacred Ganga. Think deeply again and again whether the new desire will give you more happiness or more spiritual gain. Viveka will guide you to take up the help of will and drive the desire immediately. Viveka and will are two potent weapons for an aspirant on the Jnana Yogic path to destroy evil Mara (temptation) and remove all major and minor impediments.

Never accept gifts from anybody, even from your closest friends. It will produce slavish mentality, weak will and attachment. Asking is begging. Recommending is begging. A beggar is absolutely unfit for freedom and spiritual pursuits.

Just as you starve a plant by depriving it of water, so you may starve out obnoxious desires by allowing the mind not to dwell upon such desires. You have no desire for a thing till you know what it is like. It is only after you have seen it or heard of it or touched it that you get a longing for it. Therefore, the best principle for a man is not to take, touch or see anything that is likely to taint the imagination. You will have to turn aside the attention resolutely and particularly the imagination from the subject. In course of time, all objectionable desires will die out.

It is desire in the mind that has created this body. The nature of the desire depends upon the quality of Samskaras. If these are good, virtuous Samskaras, good desires will crop up and, if they are bad, they will give rise to evil desires. Buddhi also is Karmanusarini (according to the nature of Karmas). It has to be specially trained by repeated efforts to think and act according to the holy injunctions of sacred scriptures. Desire becomes the thought and thought becomes the action. An evil desire sets up an evil thought which leads to evil action. Do always virtuous action-charity, Tapas, Japa, Dama, Dhyana and study of scriptures. Give up Nishiddha Karma (actions prohibited by Sastras). Have constant Satsanga. This is very important. It is the only means of changing the evil Samskaras of the mind.

The mind with half-developed Jnana feels severe pain when it relinquishes all desires. It demands aid, through prayer, from higher souls.

A counter-desire, a desire for God, one strong desire to attain Brahman will destroy all other worldly desires. Put down vicious desires through virtuous desires. Then give up virtuous desires through one strong desire-Mumukshutva (desire for liberation). Abandon this desire for God also in the long run. Give up Asubha Vasana through Subha Vasana. Give up Subha Vasana through Svarupa Vasana. Give up Svarupa Vasana by Nididhyasana. Desires will become extinct with the rise of discrimination. When desires cease, Jivahood becomes extinct.

Brahma-Chintana will destroy all desires. There are no desires in Brahman. Brahman is All-Purity. Repeat OM. Repeat the Mantra, "All purity I am." All the desires will vanish.

Kill the thoughts. Practise thoughtlessness. You can destroy desires. Mind associated with thoughts of gratifying the passionate desires, blindly goads a man to seek for sensual pleasures. Uncontrolled thoughts are the roots of all evils. Sublime thoughts will easily destroy lower, base thoughts. Do not entertain any base thought.

Destruction Of Desires Leads To Atmic Bliss

Vasanasahita mind (mind associated with desires) is Bandha (bondage). Mind free from desires is Mukta (free). Desires are themselves pain. Non-desire is itself pure Atmic Bliss. Mere annihilation of Maya is Moksha. With the extinction of the base Sankalpas, there is also the extinction of Avidya. Should all longings for the visibles cease, then such an abnegation of mind is itself the destruction of Ajnana or the mind. Such a bliss is generated through one's efforts only. There is nothing like Purushartha (right exertion). Purushartha changed the destiny of Markandeya. He became a Chiranjivi.

Desire is the enemy of peace. You have become the beggar of beggars through desires. A desireless man is the richest man in the world. It is the mind that makes a man rich.

Free yourself from the firm grip of crocodiles of desires. Do not get disheartened under trials. Cheer yourself up. Stand up like a lion. Destroy the impure mind with the help of the pure mind. Make friendship with the Sattvic mind and rest yourself peacefully in Atman.

Monday, January 21, 2008

Mumukshu Musings: dance like nobody's watching!

"Dance like nobody's watching; love like you've never been hurt. Sing like nobody's listening; live like it's heaven on earth." - Mark Twain

Sunday, January 20, 2008

Count Your Blessings!

Verse 1

When upon life's billows You are tempest tossed,
When you are discouraged Thinking all is lost,
Count your many blessings Name them one by one,
And it will surprise you What the Lord hath done.

Chorus:

Count your blessings Name them one by one.
Count your blessings See what God hath done.
Count your blessings Name them one by one.
Count your many blessings See what God hath done.

Verse 2

Are you ever burdened With a load of care,
Does the cross seem heavy You are called to bear.
Count your many blessings Every doubt will fly,
And you will be singing As the days go by.

Verse 3

When you look at others With their lands and gold,
Think that Christ has promised You His wealth untold.
Count your many blessings Money cannot buy,
Your reward in heaven Nor your home on high.

Verse 4

So amid the conflict Whether great or small,
Do not be discouraged God is over all.
Count your many blessings Angels will attend,
Help and comfort give you To your journey's end.

Saturday, January 19, 2008

GANPATI BAPPA MORIYA

EKADANTHAAYA VIDHMAHEE

VAAKRATUNDAAYA DHEEMAHI

THANNO DHANTIHIH PRACHODAYAAT

According to the Indian Convention, Ganesh is the prime most deity whom everyone of us must worship first since He is the reliever of obstacles, giver of wisdom and all boons and finally bestows liberation on all those who seek His Grace, and thus cuts asunder the worldly bondage.

The Indians are of the firm belief that no success can be achieved without first paying obeisance to Lord Ganesh. So those who aspire wordly and spiritual success in their life should first start their prayers to Lord Ganesh. Adoration of Vinaayaka as Prathama Vandhana (First Deity to be saluted) has been mentioned in the Vedas. Reference to Him is made in the Gayathri also.

He is one who instills purity in body, and fearlessness in the mind. It is said "Thanno Dhanthih Prachodayaath" giving importance to his tusk. He rides on a small Muushika (mouse). Muushika is symbolic of the darkness of ignorance, while Ganesha signifies the effulgence of Wisdom that dispels the darkness of ignorance.

Lord Ganesh is the elder son of Lord Shiva and Goddess Parvati. Shiva is the one who removes and destroys all evils in the world. Parvathi is the Goddess of Sarvashakthi, who helps in his work. He is also affectionately known by many other names like Vinaayaka, Heramba, Siddhivinayaka, Gajamukha, Vigneshvara, Lambodhara,Gajanana, Ganpathi etc.

What does the term Ganapathi signify? 'Ga' means Buddhi (Intellect). 'Na' mean Vijnana (Wisdom ). 'Ganapthi' means one who is the Lord of the intellect and wisdom. He is also the Lord of all Ganas (spiritual entities). Ganas also symbolise the senses. Ganapathi is thus the Lord of the senses.

It is only when the man is pure that the intelligence blossoms. It is only with the blossoming of intelligence that Siddhi (the spiritual goal) is attained. Vinayak presides over the the Buddhi and Siddhi (the intellect and the spiritual realisation). The scriptues say that Siddhi and Buddhi are the consorts of Vinaayaka and Kshema and Anandha are his two sons. Siddhi and Buddhi symbolises the powers of attraction of Ganapthi.

Vinayaaka is known for his supreme intelligence. He has the head of an elephant. The elephant is also known for its high intelligence. The elephant will not trust anybody except its master.

Because Vinaayaka is endowed with exceptional intelligence, His elephant face is symbolic of supreme intelligence. Vinayaaka also mean that He is the one who has no master above Him. He is the supreme master. He is beyond the mindless state. One who has stilled the mind cannot have any master.

He is also called Lambodhara which means Guardian of Wealth - Lakshmi Svaruupa. Here lakshmi represents all wealth and prosperity and not only Dhanam (money) for which there is a separate deity called Dhanalakshmi. Here wealth means Sukha and Anandha (pleasure and bliss). What is the use of having all things when there is no pleasure and bliss?

Vinaayaka is also called Vigneshvara as He removes all obstacles coming in the way of devotees who pray to Him sincerely. Only Vinaayaka teaches the lessons that are essential for mankind. One should not stop with installing the idol and doing pujas for a few days. One should make efforts to become a Naayaka or Master over onself by practising the nine-fold path of devotion.

He broke his tusk to use it as a pen when He was writing the Mahaabhaaratha to the dictation of Sage Vyaasa. He is a shining example of the spirit of sacrifice that He exhibited for the welfare of the humanity. That is why he is called Ekadhantha or one with single tusk.

Mantra Magic - Sanskrit Mantras Simplified 190108



Oh, Lord, with a twisted trunk and a huge might body, who lustre is equivalent to that of a crores of Suns, (whose intelligence always outshines crores of Suns) I pray to thee, O lord, always remove all obstacles from the good actions I perform.

Vakra tunda = Twisted trunk
Mahakaaya = Huge, mighty body
Suryakoti = Equivalent to lustre of crores of Sun
Samaprabha = i.e the effulgence of his intelligence outshines crores of Suns
Deva = Oh, Lord
Sarva Kaaryeshu = Always and in all works (action)
Nirvighnam Kurume = Remove all the obstacle

Please read GANPATI_BAPPA_MORIYA

Monday, January 14, 2008

:) What is Success?

Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803-1882)

To laugh often and much;

To win the respect of intelligent people

and the affection of children;

To earn the appreciation of honest critics

And endure the betrayal of false friends;

To appreciate beauty,

To find the best in others,

To leave the world a bit better;

whether by a healthy child,

A garden patch,

or a redeemed social condition;

To know that one life has breathed easier

because you have lived.

This is to have succeeded.

Developing Your Child's Self-Esteem

Developing Your Child's Self-EsteemHealthy self-esteem is a child's armor against the challenges of the world. Kids who feel good about themselves seem to have an easier time handling conflicts and resisting negative pressures. They tend to smile more readily and enjoy life. These kids are realistic and generally optimistic.

In contrast, for children who have low self-esteem, challenges can become sources of major anxiety and frustration. Children who think poorly of themselves have a hard time finding solutions to problems. If they are plagued by self-critical thoughts, such as "I'm no good" or "I can't do anything right," they may become passive, withdrawn, or depressed. Faced with a new challenge, their immediate response is "I can't." Read on to discover the important role you can play in promoting healthy self-esteem in your child.

What Is Self-Esteem?

Self-esteem is the collection of beliefs or feelings that we have about ourselves, or our "self-perceptions." How we define ourselves influences our motivations, attitudes, and behaviors and affects our emotional adjustment.

Patterns of self-esteem start very early in life. For example, when a baby or toddler reaches a milestone, he or she experiences a sense of accomplishment that bolsters self-esteem. Learning to roll over after dozens of unsuccessful attempts or finally mastering getting the spoon into his or her mouth every time he or she eats are experiences that teach a young child a "can do" attitude. The concept of success following persistence starts early.

As a child tries, fails, tries again, fails again, and then finally succeeds, he or she is developing ideas about his or her own capabilities. At the same time, he or she is creating a self-concept based on interactions with other people. This is why parental involvement is key to helping a child form accurate, healthy self-perceptions.

Self-esteem can also be defined as the combination of feelings of capability with feelings of being loved. A child who is happy with an achievement but does not feel loved may eventually experience low self-esteem. Likewise, a child who feels loved but is hesitant about his or her own abilities can also end up with a low self-esteem. Healthy self-esteem results when the right balance is attained.

Signs of Unhealthy and Healthy Self-Esteem

Self-esteem fluctuates as a child grows. It is frequently changed and fine-tuned, because it is affected by a child's experiences and new perceptions. It helps for parents to be aware of the signs of both healthy and unhealthy self-esteem.

A child who has low self-esteem may not want to try new things. He or she may frequently speak negatively about his or herself, saying such things as, "I'm stupid," "I'll never learn how to do this," or "What's the point? Nobody cares about me anyway." The child may exhibit a low tolerance for frustration, giving up easily or waiting for somebody else to take over. Children with low self-esteem tend to be overly critical of and easily disappointed in themselves. Kids with low self-esteem see temporary setbacks as permanent, intolerable conditions. A sense of pessimism predominates.

A child who has healthy self-esteem tends to enjoy interacting with others. He or she is comfortable in social settings and enjoys group activities as well as independent pursuits. When challenges arise, he or she is able to work toward finding solutions. He or she voices discontent without belittling herself or others. For example, rather than saying, "I'm an idiot," a child with healthy self-esteem says, "I don't understand this." He or she knows his or her strengths and weaknesses, and accepts them. A sense of optimism prevails.

What Parents Can Do to Help

How can a parent help to foster healthy self-esteem in a child? Here are some tips that can make a big difference:

Watch what you say
. Children are very sensitive to parents' words. Remember to praise your child not only for a job well done, but also for effort. But be truthful. For example, if your child doesn't make the soccer team, avoid saying something like, "Well, next time you'll work harder and make it." Instead, say something like, "Well, you didn't make the team, but I'm really proud of the effort you put into it." Reward effort and completion instead of outcome.

Be a positive role model. If you are excessively harsh on yourself, pessimistic, or unrealistic about your abilities and limitations, your child may eventually mirror you. Nurture your own self-esteem, and your child will have a great role model.

Identify and redirect your child's inaccurate beliefs. It's important for parents to identify kids' irrational beliefs about themselves, whether they are about perfection, attractiveness, ability, or anything else. Helping your child set more accurate standards and be more realistic in evaluating himself or herself will help your child have a more healthy self-concept. Inaccurate perceptions of self can take root and become reality to a child. For example, a child who does very well in school but struggles with math may say, "I can't do math. I'm a bad student."

Not only is this a false generalization, it's also a belief that will set your child up for failure. Encourage your child to see the situation in its true light. A helpful response might be: "You are a good student. You do great in school. Math is just a subject that you need to spend more time on. We'll work on it together."

Be spontaneous and affectionate with your child. Your love will go a long way to boost your child's self-esteem. Give your child hugs. Tell your child you're proud of him or her. Leave a note in your child's lunch box that reads, "I think you're terrific!" Give praise frequently and honestly, without overdoing it. Kids can tell whether something comes from the heart.

Give positive, accurate feedback. A comment such as, "You always work yourself up into such a frenzy!" will cause a child to start believing he or she has no control over his or her outbursts. A better statement is, "You were really mad at your brother. But I appreciate that you didn't yell at him or hit him." This acknowledges your child's feelings and rewards the choice that your child made, encouraging your child to make the right choice again next time.

Create a safe, nurturing home environment. A child who does not feel safe or is being abused at home will suffer immensely from low self-esteem. A child who is exposed to parents who fight and argue repeatedly may become depressed and withdrawn. Always remember to respect your child.

Make your home a safe haven for your family. Watch for signs of abuse by others, problems in school, trouble with peers, and other potential factors that may affect your child's self-esteem. Deal with these issues sensitively but swiftly.
Help your child become involved in constructive experiences. Activities that encourage cooperation rather than competition are especially helpful in fostering self-esteem. For example, mentoring programs in which an older child helps a younger one learn to read can do wonders for both children.

Finding Professional Help

If you suspect your child has low self-esteem, you can get professional help. Family and child counselors can work to uncover underlying issues that are preventing your child from feeling good about himself or herself. Therapy can adjust the way a child views himself or herself and the world. This can enable a child to first see himself or herself in a more realistic light, and then to accept who he or she truly is. With a little help, every child can develop healthy self-esteem for a happier, more fulfilling life.

Six Behaviors that Increase Self-Esteem

By Denis Waitley

Following are six behaviors that increase self-esteem, enhance your self-confidence, and spur your motivation. You may recognize some of them as things you naturally do in your interactions with other people. But if you don't, I suggest you motivate yourself to take some of these important steps immediately.

First, greet others with a smile and look them directly in the eye. A smile and direct eye contact convey confidence born of self-respect. In the same way, answer the phone pleasantly whether at work or at home, and when placing a call, give your name before asking to speak to the party you want to reach. Leading with your name underscores that a person with self-respect is making the call.

Second, always show real appreciation for a gift or complement. Don't downplay or sidestep expressions of affection or honor from others. The ability to accept or receive is a universal mark of an individual with solid self-esteem.

Third, don't brag. It's almost a paradox that genuine modesty is actually part of the capacity to gracefully receive compliments. People who brag about their own exploits or demand special attention are simply trying to build themselves up in the eyes of others — and that's because they don't perceive themselves as already worthy of respect.

Fourth, don't make your problems the centerpiece of your conversation. Talk positively about your life and the progress you're trying to make. Be aware of any negative thinking, and take notice of how often you complain. When you hear yourself criticize someone — and this includes self-criticism — find a way to be helpful instead of critical.

Fifth, respond to difficult times or depressing moments by increasing your level of productive activity. When your self-esteem is being challenged, don't sit around and fall victim to "paralysis by analysis." The late Malcolm Forbes said, "Vehicles in motion use their generators to charge their own batteries. Unless you happen to be a golf cart, you can't recharge your battery when you're parked in the garage!"

Sixth, choose to see mistakes and rejections as opportunities to learn. View a failure as the conclusion of one performance, not the end of your entire career. Own up to your shortcomings, but refuse to see yourself as a failure. A failure may be something you have done — and it may even be something you'll have to do again on the way to success — but a failure is definitely not something you are.

Even if you're at a point where you're feeling very negatively about yourself, be aware that you're now ideally positioned to make rapid and dramatic improvement. A negative self-evaluation, if it's honest and insightful, takes much more courage and character than the self-delusions that underlie arrogance and conceit. I've seen the truth of this proven many times in my work with athletes.

After an extremely poor performance, a team or an individual athlete often does much better the next time out, especially when the poor performance was so bad that there was simply no way to shirk responsibility for it. Disappointment, defeat, and even apparent failure are in no way permanent conditions unless we choose to make them so. On the contrary, these undeniably painful experiences can be the solid foundation on which to build future success.